losing someone you valued as a friend sucks

thankfully with a title like that, i didn't have a friend pass away this time around, so just want to make that clear.

i had a classmate back in college, whom i thought i got along with casually pretty well. after graduation i never kept in touch for years, until about a year ago something triggered my memory about her and so i decided to get back in touch with her. she was a very atypical friend if i compared her to the rest of my friends that i generally have. and over the short time we were talking again, we got into some great conversations about our very opposed viewpoints and i really really liked having those frank conversations with each other.

eventually we got into a conversation that just spiraled downhill, and part of the blame lies with my spur of the moment decision to for once be less p.c. and be a bit more upfront with my language when i spoke about my morals and faith in God. but this turned out to be a poor decision, because i underestimated the effect it would have on our conversation and more importantly our relationship.

she got really upset, and despite my efforts and concurrent prayers to come off as non0judgemental as possible (i think i really often get mis-characterized in peoples minds because of stereotypes and also my non-typical language combined with atypical thinking) i think she got the impression that i looked down on her way of living, and she proceeded to explain how she never considered me a friend and that she was toying with me since the moment we got back in touch with each other as well. then she pretty much broke off teh means by which we were communicating.

some time has passed since then, and i never forgot about it. i continue to pray for her salvation just as often as some of my childhood friends, i dont know why she has had this much of an impacton me, but thats just how it is, and i'm going to go with it. i dropped her a friendly hello on her fb page, and then later on when i was browsing fb during a study break (i really need to be cramming with no distractions this weekend btw) i noticed she had removed me as a friend, and i think that sort of got to me a bit, since it really seems like everything i did since then to make amends and to get her to have a conversation with me, in person, or over IM again just made things worse, and i should just stop trying now.

its a bummer for sure, but i hope to keep praying for her. she was someone who was shunned by the church when she was just a kid because of her sexuality, and i think that really hurt her deeply, and still hurts her now when she realizes im a Christian also. and with things like hurt and pain, i can only ask that the presence of JC comes into her life to make her feel truly loved by God and complete.

as much as i think a big part of the way i live life is driven by the ideals and philosophy my thinking and faith brings me to, i can't deny that these personal experiences also have powerful effects on the way i behave. i've had more than one close non-Christian friend tell me how they really appreciate how i don't push my faith on them, but speak naturally about it in passing. i think i did break that mold when i spoke with the friend i just blogged about here, but it was also because i assumed we were speaking frankly out of a level of comfort. but now i see that comfort was unilateral.

i pray to God that He guides her life to His truth sometime very soon. i have faith that He will, if it fits into His plan. this mindset also makes it impossible to me to deny the thoughts of Arminius. anyways before i digress, i'll end here.

pls pray for my friend A.S. if you have the time. thanks.

-jjk