Life, Medicine, and God

So I'm 6 weeks into my first clinical rotation...surgery. I've found an unlikely buddy out of my classmates here in this hospital who shares the same question that's been lingering in my mind every since.....probably.....junior year of college. "Will I like medicine?"or perhaps "Will I like being a doctor?" Surgery is a really awesome field. I've really come to admire the surgical approach to medicine, as opposed to the medical approach. I've always been a mechanically inclined person, and fixing a person's health by physically fixing their body is really awesome. There is just something about learning the structure and function of teh body parts, knowing how they are likely to get broken in different situations, and learning -by doing- how to fix those problems. On the flip side of that coin, is the lifestyle that erquires that surgeons be ok with working very very hard for most of their life, and requiring little sleep in order to still be able to think and operate at -at least- 95% of their full potential no matter when they get called, or how tired they are. I don't think I have what it takes to do that, unfortunately. Ohterwise, I would be thinking much harder about surgery.

I hope medicine has at least as much appeal to me by the time I rotate through it. I have little interest in psych and family med, even less in ob/gyn, but a tiny bit of interest in peds, and some openness to medicnie. I should pray more and study more. This is another area of life that puts me in my place, since it is so clear to me that after I try my best to figure out where i should go, that God's wisdom and guidance is teh only way to really know that I'll end up i nthe right place, living a life that is productive, and glorifying to God in medicine.

Recently, I've also been sort of struck hard with one of my friendships over the past 6 months or so. I guess its one of the very few times that I felt an emotional hit from developments that have occurred in a friendship. I guess I never realized how much i really care for this friend, and at the same time, sometimes you need to just let it go, in order to keep things healthy and alive.

There was a friend of mine that from the beginning I knew i was attracted to her. But because of some differences in faith, I've always supressed and ignored my feelings for her after I would evaluate where I stood with the possibility of dating her. So instead, I was thankful and happy to just become great friends with her. I eventually got a bit messed up whe nshe told me about her boyfriends, not knowing that it would affect me at all....but i moved on, and really tried my very best to put aside any feeligns i had for her when giving her advice and input. I think you eventually come to a point, where you sit back and think about the fact that if you really wanted the best for your friends, including this one for me, that helping them through their life situations teh best yo ucan without any hidden motives is the right thing to do. It's freaking tough, but i think its very doable, since I think i'm doing it now. I hope. d: anyways, enough on that

regarding my last post, I was a bit disappointed in the amount of sharing I was able to do with said friend from that post before we split ways for the next fseveral months, but thankfully we're still speaking openly and frankly about anything and everything, and i still pray as much as i can about it. I think God also has been using this situation as a way of keeping me coming back to Him as well. Honestly, once I lose focus on the important things of life and get distracted by career success, toys, etc, you forget about the fact that every single person i know (and don't know) will face judgement, whether tis good or bad, after they have spent their time here in this life. It jsut seems irresponsible and insanely callous to just enjoy the company of the awesome people in my life while never sharing with them the gospel and who Jesus is to me. This only spurs me back to the prayer that I seek God's kingdom first, always, and that somehow, in someways, that God's love and evidence taht He exists shows through the way I live. Hope that cannot be taken away, and a love that moves people to the point where they love their enemies. That concept of loving your enemies always helps me realize that i shouldn't stop loving those who are dear to me, family and friends, even thourgh tough arguments and falling outs. I have to always keep teh big picture in my mind, and not let petty, and stupid things ruin the beautiful.

anyways. please everyone, stay healthy, and live lives that are worthy of praise from our Father.

i can't wait until surgery and ob/gyn are both over for good. i hate being tired and slightly frustrated at things everytime i have spare time to see old friends.

d:

life's good.

-john