its time......again....

in the midst of my boards cramming, i seem to have been drawn to an unexpected desire.

i'll reiterate something i struggle with on an almost daily basis. living the life as someone who puts their faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, can seem insanely difficult when looked at, from the perspective of one person striving to live out of his/her own strength, resolve and merits. what i mean specifically, is with the balance of loving God, and loving His people, both the ones who know Him and the ones who do not.

As most of the people who i have occasional sharing/prayer times with know, I am still good friends with a couple people whom i cherish who are firm in their disbelief of a living and good god. It is something that gnaws at my heart knowing that if things continue the way they are, then when our lives are over, I will be with my Lord in heaven, and my friends will not. Their fate will be infinitely worse. Not a subject that people like to dwell upon for obvious reasons, from both sides.

with one friend of mine, with whom' i've shared many things with over the past few years. i know she values how i haven't pushed my views upon her or preached to her, and i think that was the right way to act towards her and love her as a friend. but, recently i've come, by God's grace, to realize that i need to share very openly, about what the gospel means to me and who Jesus is to me, at least once, very soon, with my own words, and in person. i only get to see her two or three times a year, and so i'm pretty resolved on the decision that the next time i see her, i will be sharing with her. and right now, i'm not really all that nervous about it in terms of what i will be saying, and how i will be saying it, but i'm more nervous about how the Holy Spirit will be moving, and if i will do anything that will be a hindrance to His work in her. but that anxiety is something i also need to be letting go of. something a friend of mine reminded me of recently as well. life can't go and won't go according to my hopes, dreams and desires, but it will be according to God's design.

but this is something that must be done, or the regret i will feel will be well deserved. if i don't share and love my friends that God has brought into my heart, then who will? i cannot shirk off the responsibility that God has given to me. it is a welcome burden, and a good command for us to obey.

that worry i ahve for my unsaved friends, is one of teh hardest things for me to surrender to God. it is paradoxical to me. but i know it is the right thing to do.

if you have any spare prayer time, please join me as i ask God that His will be done with the salvation of my friend. i know it seems a bit silly to pray for people whom you don't even know the name of, and even sillier to use initials and false names, but for now i wish to only disclose her first initial - Y. i'd be more than happy to share openly about this in person but this is as far as my blog will go for now.

may we all be constantly renewed by the Spirit, daily, as the holes in our souls leak God's spirit and revert to being human again and again.

it has been too long since i have shared the gospel to someone who i hold dear to my heart. God give me urgency with those you have placed around me who still do not know you. and help me to live with Your love driving all my motivation in life.

i'm hoping to see her again in about 2 weeks, right in between my COMLEX step 1 and USMLE step 1. i'll give a day up in that time period so easily just to have a good talk with her. we need to live with an eternal perspective, because even though our worldly pressures and efforts are noble, God's kingdom overshadows them all.

-in Love to my fellow siblings in God
jjk